The Final Countdown

At work today (I sit in a fairly huge, open-plan, high-ceilinged office) there was a long, high-pitched beep which signified (as I came to realise) that somebody was about to use the tannoy. Now this in itself was very exciting, because everybody looked up, and it was like we were in the future. But imagine the sudden dizzying heights my excitement reached, and the chest-hollowing speed at which it did so, when, instead of some boring human voice, we heard the beginning of one of my all-time-favourite songs! That is, as you may have guessed from the post title, ‘The Final Countdown’. I thought – what is happening? Is this some kind of massive, brilliant joke? Is it the witty prelude to a horrible, weird, postmodern terrorist attack?

Are we being made redundant?

But no. None of those things. The actual reason for it being done was so dull (some incentive to collect cash from customers, etc) that I will not bore you with it in detail. But I wanted to share with you the momentary joy. A moment in which, to my eternal (though obviously not at all private) shame, I actually thought out, in my head, the initials O.M.F.G.


What a colossal mix-up. What a way to muddy a freshly-discovered pool of beautifully crystal-clear water. I don’t like text/IM speak. I understand the mutability of language and everything, and I don’t, in theory, have a problem with it, but I don’t like it. I mean… seriously. FFS, people. It was one of those self-sabotage moments where you ruin your own happiness. The important thing though. That moment was a very bright moment as far as my working life goes. Make of that what you will.


5 Responses to “The Final Countdown”

  1. I’m lucky enough to get to use the tannoy at my job. This week, I said.

    “Attention all monster hunters. The beast they call the gruffalo has been spotted in the artist’s attic! Head up to level 7 if you want to spot the beast itself!”

    At which point fifty or so children pounded up a bazillion steps on the spiral staircase to shake the hand of a gruffalo costume with a sweating man inside.

  2. What an incredible announcement to be able to make! Is that a fairly typical utterance for you at work? And – is the gruffalo costume a good one?

  3. When we have events on, it’s quite normal, but normally it’s just ‘storytime will begin in fifteen minutes in the book den’ or ‘the cafe is now closed’.

    The gruffalo costume is amazing! It’s huuuuuge with all the features the gruffalo has. Everyone from work has been taking it in turns to be the gruffalo and it’s been a hilarious half-term week.


  4. I feel sorry for you in your shit made up job fletcher.

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