Archive for February, 2009

Murderous

Posted in Fictions on February 23, 2009 by Tom Fletcher

There is a man I vaguely know who really winds me up. He is somehow connected to me, socially. A friend of a cousin or a cousin of a friend or an ex-girlfriend’s new boyfriend or something like that. His face and eyes are glazed and oblivious, and yet violent-looking at the same time. He comes to all the Fell House parties and he sits on the sofa and he watches his two dogs attack other people’s pets and he doesn’t do or say anything to stop them. He just smiles detachedly and leaves it to other people. When his dogs are not mauling other animals, he whispers to them. He whispers into their ears. His dogs are small and fat with tiny eyes and upturned mouths. Their faces are quite human. He will sit with them, one on either side of him, and just smile and look violent. Sometimes it is as if he is mentally ill. He makes me wonder if he is bad. I know there are worse people than him in the world, but I wonder if he is bad. He makes me think that badness is a condition. I don’t know really though. I don’t know about that. One thing I am sure of; every time I see him, I end up daydreaming about murder for weeks.

Balancing Out

Posted in Non-Fictions on February 20, 2009 by Tom Fletcher

In an earlier post I linked to the website of the Sun newspaper.

In order to balance it out, I’m now going to link to a wonderful worthwhile site which will actually have a positive effect on your life.

This is it.

Tomorrow or hopefully the day after I am intending to post some actual fiction on this blog, as was my original intention when setting it up.

That’s something for you all to look forward to.

(Haha! Irony.)

Everybody From Alpha Inventions…

Posted in Non-Fictions on February 20, 2009 by Tom Fletcher

Just a quick note to ask anybody here from the website AlphaInventions to please, if you have time, leave a comment (on any post) to say hello!

Thank you very much,

Tom.

The Final Countdown

Posted in Non-Fictions on February 20, 2009 by Tom Fletcher

At work today (I sit in a fairly huge, open-plan, high-ceilinged office) there was a long, high-pitched beep which signified (as I came to realise) that somebody was about to use the tannoy. Now this in itself was very exciting, because everybody looked up, and it was like we were in the future. But imagine the sudden dizzying heights my excitement reached, and the chest-hollowing speed at which it did so, when, instead of some boring human voice, we heard the beginning of one of my all-time-favourite songs! That is, as you may have guessed from the post title, ‘The Final Countdown’. I thought – what is happening? Is this some kind of massive, brilliant joke? Is it the witty prelude to a horrible, weird, postmodern terrorist attack?

Are we being made redundant?

But no. None of those things. The actual reason for it being done was so dull (some incentive to collect cash from customers, etc) that I will not bore you with it in detail. But I wanted to share with you the momentary joy. A moment in which, to my eternal (though obviously not at all private) shame, I actually thought out, in my head, the initials O.M.F.G.

OMFG.

What a colossal mix-up. What a way to muddy a freshly-discovered pool of beautifully crystal-clear water. I don’t like text/IM speak. I understand the mutability of language and everything, and I don’t, in theory, have a problem with it, but I don’t like it. I mean… seriously. FFS, people. It was one of those self-sabotage moments where you ruin your own happiness. The important thing though. That moment was a very bright moment as far as my working life goes. Make of that what you will.

Reading

Posted in Non-Fictions on February 20, 2009 by Tom Fletcher

I’m reading at Trof (The Deaf Institute) just off Oxford Road on Monday 23rd of February, as it’s the monthly NO POINT IN NOT BEING FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE IF YOU WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH THEM evening. Last month it was a really excellent night but then, last month, I wasn’t reading.

What I’m trying to say is – please come along, if you can.

I will come back to this post later and fill it full of hyperlinks so you can use it a portal from which to explore the blogs/sites of other No Point readers.

EDIT: I am no longer going to fill this post full of hyperlinks. But I have inserted one. I think it is probably enough.

Lost (Found?) City of Atlantis

Posted in Non-Fictions on February 20, 2009 by Tom Fletcher

The Sun newspaper is leading with a story about the city of Atlantis being discovered via Google Ocean. I hope it’s true. I wish the Sun didn’t regularly run stories about such amazing things in such a hysterical, trivial way, though. It makes me very cynical. More cynical than I want to be.

The Daily Mail does it too. At least once a week there is a big feature on some incredible supernatural mystery that I used to read, hoping for some tiny shred of credibility, to find that yet again all they’d done was lay a turd on the paper, smeared it around with their pale, six-digit hands, and sucked their broken, blood-stained fingers clean. I mean, I’m sure the people that work at the Daily Mail have their own individual redeeming qualities, but I can’t help imagining them all as demonic conspirators, all wholly responsible for the general tone and content of the howling smeg-hawk that flaps, incontinent, into newstands all over the country and, in fact, all over the world, every morning. I can’t help imagining them all as utter bastards. Fucking soulless, monstrous, magic-suppressing, hope-gobbling, dream-soiling, shit-spilling, skull-sicking, trust-raping, hair-burning, head-squashing, dog-wanking, society-molesting, peace-splitting, coin-licking, eye-kicking, tongue-ripping bastards. Ignorant, undignified and selfish in their words and in their fucking muck.

So. Is this really Atlantis? Please tell me it is.

Thread or Dead

Posted in Non-Fictions on February 19, 2009 by Tom Fletcher

WordPress, in a move which has inspired an uncomfortably warm and fuzzy kind of brand loyalty in me, has now made it possible to post threaded comments! So now you can leave a reply to a specific comment and it will show as such.

Brilliant.

This means that those of you who leave comments now have to start leaving more, and those of you who don’t leave comments have to start leaving them. If the comments relate to each other, so much the better. And it doesn’t really matter what the comments are about. That is the only way to take full advantage of the wondrous new functionality.

I hope you all leave comments now. Otherwise I’m going to look like a right pillock.